slimy trails

now that i have a home-made snail garden right in the middle of my front porch...

i think i can officially call myself a homeschooling mama! (all in the name of science, people!)

trying to earn a gift

it's barely monday. i have already messed up my sweetmess. barely the first day of our third week and i have failed. blown it again. might as well stop saving for college and start squirreling away pennies for their therapy instead. i traded in prayer for hollering, patience for anger, love for control.

tears, broken hearts, ugly words shouted out that can't be undone.

i can't...do this, be this, succeed in this.

but, He can.

He brought us to our knees, right in the middle of the math, the lectura and the "learning", for some soul teaching...we wept to Him about how much we just. need. more. Jesus. rightnowplease!

during our collective pause i read these words..."Christ is the offering and salvation is the gift and repentance is what makes us recipients of grace." -A. vosskamp

ahhhh. yes. amen. (read the whole, healing post by the author of One Thousand Gifts here...http://www.aholyexperience.com)

positive/negative

i am at the end of our second week of homeschooling...feels more like the end of our second month! to say it was "way harder than i imagined" wouldn't really give weight to the last two weeks. nor are there the words to capture how amazing the past 14 days have been! our days were filled with both tears and laughter...and not a few fights! we celebrated on friday with a bike ride around a lake(i use that word loosely) that is nearby.

we stopped along the way to watch the ducks and chat about our first days of HS.

everyone had good and bad to say about this new rhythm of life.

sleeping in, going at my own pace, not being with friends(-), family prayer time, swimming during recess

having to do school with my siblings(-), being with mommie (yes, they really said that one! i counted it as a positive!), eating lunch at home, reading as many library books as i want, NO HOMEWORK!, not being hurried to bed, to wake up, to eat, to go go go, being done by noon.

i really miss having time to myself. i am definitely mourning the loss of alone time, and i miss my many "school yard" friends that i got to see each day...there are many things i have "lost" by choosing to keep this sweet mess at home and become their teachermama. i was down right angry at God by Tuesday of this past week for "making" me do this. i missed my freedom, i missed my quiet house, i missed my brain! as i cried out (again) to my Wise Father, He (graciously) showed me all that i had gained in making this choice. He is allowing me the time and space to fall in love with each of my kids in unique ways. He is opening up their hearts to me in new and precious ways. We are praying together, sharing our needs, our wants, our fears. We are slowing down. I am "seeing" my kids again...their good, bad and ugly! it's a trade off, i suppose, more than a loss. i have traded in some really nice temporal perks for some amazing eternal moments. i would have NEVER chosen to do this voluntarily had we stayed in LA. i would have missed out big time!

another thing to add to my list of thankful's...