trying to earn a gift

it's barely monday. i have already messed up my sweetmess. barely the first day of our third week and i have failed. blown it again. might as well stop saving for college and start squirreling away pennies for their therapy instead. i traded in prayer for hollering, patience for anger, love for control.

tears, broken hearts, ugly words shouted out that can't be undone.

i can't...do this, be this, succeed in this.

but, He can.

He brought us to our knees, right in the middle of the math, the lectura and the "learning", for some soul teaching...we wept to Him about how much we just. need. more. Jesus. rightnowplease!

during our collective pause i read these words..."Christ is the offering and salvation is the gift and repentance is what makes us recipients of grace." -A. vosskamp

ahhhh. yes. amen. (read the whole, healing post by the author of One Thousand Gifts here...http://www.aholyexperience.com)